5 Months

 On September 18th, Jade turned 5 months old. It is crazy how much she learns and how different she is from one month to the next. She can now roll over and almost sit up on her own. She has started to sleep through the night again and I couldn't be more grateful for that. Her favorite part of the day is when her daddy comes home. I think we have a daddy's girl on our hands and I am okay with that. When she is really happy she squeals and screams a lot now and it is so loud, but really funny! She pretty much refuses to sleep on her back, which at first kind of freaked me out since they say it is best for them to sleep on their back but she is comfortable and sleeps really good so I don't worry about it now.

She has recently learned how to blow raspberries and did it constantly for a few days. It is so cute!

She also drools an awful lot as you can see from this picture! She still loves to chew and suck on things. Since she was a newborn I have tried to get her to take a binki, but she just doesn't like it as much as her thumb. The only time she will take a binki is if she is really tired and then normally all she does with it is chew on it. So it looks like I have a thumb sucker but I am okay with it for now. She is too young for me to try to get her to stop and I really like that she can self soothe.

Isn't this the cutest picture ever?!! She adores bath time! Ever since the first time we bathed her she has loved it. Now that she is older she is much more animated in the tub. She gets so excited that she flails her arms and legs around which splashes water everywhere and she squeals! It is the cutest thing! She is growing up way too fast!

4 Months

These last four months have gone by so fast. I can't believe how much Jade has grown and changed since she was born. I am going to try and do a post about her every month until a year and then every year after that so I can keep up on the things she is doing and how much she has changed. So here are some pictures of her at 4 months.

Here are some things Jade is now doing at 4 months:

- smiles a lot
- likes to have long conversations with her daddy
- sucks on everything she gets her hands on
- drools like crazy
- has stopped sleeping through the night and it's killing me
- LOVES to be outside
- can roll from her back to her stomach, but not from her stomach to back
- Sleeps in her own room
- Rolls over in her sleep
- Has the cutest chubby cheeks and thighs
- Weighs about 13 lbs

We love everything about our baby J (what her daddy calls her)! Being her parents is the best blessing we could have ever received. We are so excited to continue to watch her learn and grow!

Jade's Newborn Pictures

When Jade was three weeks old we took her to a local studio and had her picture taken. I know that is a little late to do newborns but it took me awhile to recover from my c-section so that was when I was ready to do anything. I wasn't sure how she was going to be, but thankfully she slept the whole time and we got some amazing pictures. So get ready for picture overload!

Love love love that little girl! Can't believe she is mine!

Pregnancy and Birth

( This was written right after Jade was born. Sorry it took me so long to post it. )

I can't believe it has been 7 months since I announced that we were going to be welcoming a little one into our home. I remember thinking that April was so far away, but it came so fast! My pregnancy was relatively uneventful. I only had nausea a couple of weeks at the beginning and nothing so bad that I threw up so I was extremely grateful for that. In fact every time I went to my doctors appointments, the nurse and the doctor would both comment on how I was their easiest patient and they hoped I would stay that way. I hoped for the same thing, but sadly my luck ran out at about 36 weeks. At my 36 week appointment my blood pressure started to climb. It wasn't high enough to really be a concern, but then I started having persistent headaches and by the end of the week my ankles and legs had swollen to almost double their size. When I went for my 37 week appointment my blood pressure had gotten even higher and they were not liking the fact that I was having headaches and swelling so much. For the next two days I had to go to the hospital and have non-stress tests done and I also had to do a 24 hour urine text (which is so not fun). This was to see if I had pre-eclampsia because all of my symptoms pointed to that.While doing the non-stress tests everything looked really good and my blood pressure had gone down to a fairly normal level, but the headaches and swelling continued and when I went in for my 38 week appointment my blood pressure was high again. That day my doctor decided it would be best if we got our little girl here sooner rather than later. He felt that it was important we get her here before my condition got worse which could cause a lot of problems for the baby so I left the doctors office that day knowing that my little girl would be here the next day.

I can tell you I wasn't very happy about having to be induced. I really would have rather gone into labor on my own, but I also completely trusted my doctor and if he felt that it would be better for me and my baby to get here then that is what I would do. On the morning of April 18th we arrived at the hospital at 9:30am to get things started. I had already started progressing well on my own so the doctor and nurses felt like she would be here in the early evening. They started me on pitocin about an hour later and I started having contractions. Now at this point the pain really wasn't that bad at all and I was thinking to myself that maybe I didn't need the epidural, but I didn't realize how much worse the pain was going to get. At about 11:30am the doctor came in and broke my water and then the contractions started getting worse. I seriously can't even describe the excruciating pain I was in. I never thought it would be that bad. I asked for the epidural not long after that, but it took them forever to get my platelet count so I had to wait an hour or so before I could get the epi. The epidural is like one of the best things ever invented in my mind. After I got it I was able to relax and sleep for a little bit until things started to go wrong. With the help of the pitocin I started progressing extremely fast and the baby was not liking it. Her heart rate started to fall with every contraction I had so they stopped the pitocin and gave me a shot to stop my contractions. They wanted to give the baby time to rest and relax before we started up again. About an hour later they turned the pitocin back on but was giving me the lowest dosage they could so that the baby would tolerate it better. For the next hour or so she was doing fine, but not great so they turned the pitocin off. They decided to just let me contract on my own and hopefully I was far enough along that I would progress on my own. When they turned the pitocin off I was dilated to an 8 1/2 so they expected me to get to a 10 in the next hour or so. About three hours later I was still at an 8 1/2 and her heart rate started dropping dramatically and taking way too long to come back up again. Next thing I know I have like four different nurses in my room trying to get her heart rate up and then my doctor walked in. He told me that her heart rate was way too low and that we were going to have to do an emergency C section. The minute I heard him say C section I started bawling. I so did not want to have major surgery and I was terrified that there was something really wrong with my baby. So I started bawling and Sol, well he just froze. He was just staring at me with this terrified look on his face which I have to say didn't help me feel any better about having a C section.

Getting wheeled into the OR was kind of surreal. I had not planned or prepared for this so I had no idea what to expect and I was terrified. They did all the prepping they needed and then just as they were about to cut me open Sol walked in. I was so terrified that I would have to be by myself the whole time and I did not want that. As they were working I was just praying constantly that she would cry when she came out and that she would be healthy. I don't know how long it really took, but it felt like forever. The first thing the doctor said as she was coming out was "look at all that hair" and then she let out a wail. I have never felt so relieved in all my life. Hearing that cry was the best sound I have ever heard and of course I started bawling. I couldn't see her yet, but Sol could and he was beaming. I don't think I have ever seen him look so happy. Once they got her cleaned up a little they brought over to me so I could see her. She was beautiful and she immediately stopped crying when I started talking to her, which obviously made me feel amazing! Worst part of the whole thing thought was the fact that I still couldn't move because they were stitching me up so I couldn't touch her and I had to wait like an hour before I got to see her again and hold her for the first time. Here is our Jade Elizabeth Frazier!

We were in the hospital for about 3 1/2 days, which was long enough. The recovery from the C-section was hard, but not as bad as I expected it to be. The worst part of the whole recovery really didn't have anything to do with the C-section. The day we got home from the hospital I started to feel sick and for the next four to five days I had the stomach flu. That first week home was the hardest of my life because not only was I recovering from major surgery and the flu, but I had to take care of my daughter as well. Thankfully I had Sol for a couple days and then my mom was able to come stay with me for a couple days. I know I would not have recovered as fast as I did if it weren't for them. I really hope and pray that I don't have to go through the recovery process again with the flu. It was horrible and frankly made me really depressed. It didn't last too long though and I was able to get the hang of things on my own.

Being a mom is amazing! I am so grateful for this opportunity to be Jade's mother. She is the greatest blessing our lives. It was a long hard road to get to this point, but I wouldn't trade any of the trials we went through to get here because it taught us so much and I know we appreciate Jade so much more than if it would have been easy for us to have her. I'm so excited to watch her learn and grow!

Some Happy News!!

As I posted before, I decided to go back to school this semester. It has been a big change and I'm still getting into the swing of things, but it has been a really nice change. The best thing about it is being able to be home more. One of the biggest reasons I decided to go back to school was because I really wasn't enjoying my job anymore and I felt kind of stuck. I definitely needed a change and I hoped that maybe a change would also bring pregnancy. We had been trying for a little one ever since my miscarriage last year and I was getting very frustrated that things weren't happening. My last month at my job I was working with my doctor to find out why I wasn't getting pregnant. I was so happy that we were finally doing something to help. We found out that one of my levels was high ( can't remember which one) and they were going to have me start taking a new medication to lower it, but I had to wait until I started my period. On my last day of work I still hadn't started my period so that morning I grudgingly took a pregnancy test. For some reason for this test I was not excited or nervous. I seriously felt positive that I wasn't pregnant and was only taking the test because the nurse told me to, but to my surprise IT was positive!! So after over two years of hoping and praying, we have finally got our wish! We are expecting a little one at the end of April! We are so excited to finally start our family. I am over 13 weeks along and at my last appointment my doctor told me that this one should be here to stay, so I feel comfortable posting about it. We should find out the sex sometime at the beginning of December, which seems like so far away still. We are so happy and excited and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to be parents. I know that Sol will be a wonderful father and I can't wait to see him in action.

Back To School

That's right, I am going back to school. I have needed to do this for awhile now, but I was always so hesitant because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. There has been a lot of changes happening at my place of employment that have just showed me that now is the right time for me to go back. So I am doing it. I will be attending UVU because it is so close to my home and my major is Behavioral Science with an Emphasis in Family Studies. I am so excited to get back into the swing of being a student. I loved school when I was down at Snow College so I really hope I feel the same way at UVU. Obviously it will be different and I am a little scared that I am going to be overwhelmed since it has been four years since I have been in a classroom, but it should be good. I will be going full-time so that means I will be leaving Deseret First Credit Union. I am a little sad to be leaving because I love all those I have been able to work with over the last four years, but don't worry NT bunch, I will still keep in touch as often as possible. I couldn't be more excited for this much needed change in my life. Wish me luck!!

A Hard Time

It has been a long time yet again since I have posted anything. It's not because things haven't happened but mostly because I haven't felt like anything really good has happened. You will see by this post that I have been preoccupied by something for the last 8 months that has made it hard for me to think of anything else.

About 8 months ago I found out that I was pregnant. At first I didn't believe it because my body had been so unpredictable with regards to my period and ovulation. So to be sure I took like 3 pregnancy tests on different days. They were all positive and I couldn't have been more excited. Sol and I had been wanting this for almost two years and to think that we were finally going to get our wish made us so happy. Because I hadn't taken a pregnancy test until I was about 7 weeks along my doctor couldn't fit me in until I was 10 weeks on Nov 8th. I was a little scared that having my first doctors visit that far into the pregnancy was bad, but the nurse assured me that it was fine. Now I know that that was a blessing in disguise.

The night before my scheduled appointment we were at my parents having dinner when I started to cramp really bad. I have cramps every period, but this was worse than any I had experienced. I knew something was wrong and I was completely devastated. Before we left my parents house that night my dad and Sol gave me a blessing which I know was the reason I got through the next day.

November 8th is somewhat of a blur to me. I remember waking up feeling a little better and then like 20 minutes after Sol left for work things got bad. I can't even describe the agonizing pain I was in physically and emotionally. I know that at one point I called Sol and told him that he needed to come home because I was not going to go through this on my own. When Sol got home we ended up having to go to the Hospital because I was bleeding more than they like. We were at the hospital for almost 4 hour before they told me the news that I had indeed miscarried. I think by that point I was so emotionally spent that I just felt numb. That night I didn't do much other than sit on our bed thinking that this was the worst day of my life.

I am sure you are wondering why I am saying all this now and the answer is because I am trying to get some closure. This week is the week that I would have had my little baby and I really was hoping that I would be pregnant again before this week came, but sadly that hasn't happened. I am sure the reason this has been so hard is because I am taking hormones every month to try and help me get pregnant so I have to think about it each and every day and when I don't get pregnant each month it brings back the feelings of that day. I can honestly say that this is the hardest trial I have ever had to go through, but I am grateful for all that I have learned and for the many blessings this has shown me that I have.

So we are trying to live life to the fullest and we are trying not to dwell on the things that we don't have and focus on what we do have. Sol is much better at this then I am or maybe he just hides his feelings better than I do, but either way we really are doing fine. I can't thank all my friends and family enough for how supportive they have been and how willing they are to share their experiences with me. That is something that has helped me so much through this whole process is hearing from those that have had experiences like this. It made me realize that I am not alone in this and that things really will be okay. I think that is another reason I finally decided to post about this, so that if there is anyone in the same situation looking for something that can help them get through the tough time, maybe this could be of help. I'm sorry for how depressing this post has sounded, but it is a part of my life and I know that I would completely regret it if I pretended like it never happened. We are hopeful that we will get pregnant at some point and we know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. Sometimes it is so hard not knowing what that plan is, but I can honestly say I trust the Lord completely and I know that he knows what's right for me.